Joe: Yo, Biden residence, ‘sup?
Debbie: Hello, Mr. Vice President. It’s Debbie. How are you?
Joe: Good, good—FUCK! Or I would be if these lil’ fuckers stopped trollin’ my fuckin’ respawn. So who dis is? Continue reading “DNC to Biden: Take one for Team Hillary”
The real David Koch unsurprisingly signaled his support for a Walker presidency way back in April, but now that ol’ Scooter’s made it official (never mind Friday’s premature announcement—seriously, never happened, not his fault, moving along), it’s time for the fake David Koch—you know, me!—to weigh in on what the media will certainly bill: “The Most Important Election Ever!” Ain’t they all? Continue reading “Scott Walker for President!”
On Tuesday, February 22, I decided to go over the heads of the press and take my case directly to the citizens of our state. We scheduled a televised fireside address from the capitol. It was a chance to counter the passions of the protesters and personally explain why collective bargaining reform was necessary.
I began by making clear my respect for public workers. “In 1985, when I was a high school junior in the small town of Delavan, I was inspired to pursue public service after I attended the American Legion’s Badger Boys State program,” I said. “Tonight, I thank the three hundred thousand-plus state and local government employees who showed up for work today and did their jobs well. We appreciate it. If you take only one message away tonight, it’s that we all respect the work that you do.”
I then went on to explain why our reforms were necessary: Continue reading “FUNINTIMIDATED”
